I was awakened from a bright light shining at my window. I gasped. Startled out of my sleep, “It can’t be time for school already can it?” I mumbled to myself, as I reached for my cellphone to check the time. 3:30 a.m. Confused, I get up and look out of the window. I see a shiny black Cadillac shining its headlights directly into my bedroom window. I step back from the window immediately. I slowly go into my sister’s room and look out her window, hoping for a better view. I see that no one is sitting behind the wheel. That’s odd.
The lights are on and the car seems to be running. I took one more look at the car and around the street to see if anyone was there. It was dead this early in the morning. No one was out. I get my jacket and quietly go downstairs to the front door, I slip on my shoes and open the door to the light snowfall on the ground. I shuffle my way towards the car slowly, looking around to make sure no one is out. I wasn’t spooked out but there was something eerie about this. Why was there a random car in the middle of our driveway this late at night? Why were the lights directly positioned in my room? I’ve never woken up in the middle of the night like this before.
I peer into the drivers window, I notice a small white piece of paper on the dashboard. Now my forehead is against the dark window completely, trying to peer in more and decipher the words on the letter. “For….Sep”. Bewildered, I open the door out of shock and to my surprise, the doors are unlocked. I reach for the letter, it is written for me. Confused, elated, exhausted, a bunch of emotions were rushing through me. I quickly scramble to open the letter directed to me, and see what the mystery message says:
Hey Sepeher, can you close the door to my room please? Thanks – your sister
My mouth fell open, I immediately looked up to her room window to see her smiling down at me and waving. She got me again.
As most people in high school, friends surround you. You share the same classes, same interests, and maybe even the same mistakes and insecurities. I was involved with the wrong crowd initially. I had friends that convinced me to do things that weren’t good and it caused me to make my own decisions, that also weren’t good. I used to steal my parent’s car in the middle of the night and go for joyrides by myself. Sometimes I would even pick people up and we’d drive around the city. Then, I got really bold and started to steal my uncle’s car during the night when I would sleep over at his. It started in November 2019 and lasted till mid January. January 14th 2020, I was in a car accident. The car was a right off and I was shaken up pretty badly. It was a snowy -30 night with ice every where, and I the idiot, was speeding, minding my own business. Then, it was like God slapped me in the face, I blacked out and opened my eyes to see that I hit a parked old BMW. I panicked, I heard a loud scream that sounded like a woman and I have no idea where that came from, because was no one was outside at 2 am. I turned off my headlights, backed out quickly, and drove straight to my uncles house. God really saved my ass that night. There was no damage to the BMW and I came out of that situation alive. But I also managed to destroy my uncles car.
I remember feeling a rush of adrenaline when I would first take out the car. I love blasting the music and feeling the bass when I drive. It was like you were on top of the world and could do whatever you want. And honestly, I understand why Fast & Furious made so many movies, it is fun to speed. For some reason, I thought it was cool to record myself going at really high speeds when I could die at any second if I lose control over the steering wheel. Who knew an old RAV-4 could hit 200 km/h, to me at times, it was like a science experiment. But I would drive without my license, dangerous and stupid. I would push my parents car to new limits, reckless and thoughtless. I would lie to and steal from and cheat my parents, who do nothing but love and support me. These feelings of adrenaline and pride when driving fast are not worth the weight of disappointment and hurt I caused my parents.
On the night of the accident, snow had touched the gravel roads which makes it difficult for cars to drive on and black ice is covering the roads. So I thought, like a fool high on adrenaline, “this is perfect weather to go for one of my nightly rides”. Snowy and icy roads gave me the idea of doing some drifting with the minivan, and not thinking about how I can ruin the tires and or the consequences of my actions. But no I still did it and tried it with various types of cars, like my uncles car, my mom’s car and my dad’s car. Talk about diversity. The best car for drifting is a Toyota Highlander in my opinion. (Trust me I have experience!). However, I have learned that drifting is for sets of Hollywood movies and not suburban areas.
I never even thought about how my parents would feel emotionally if they found out what I do almost every week. When I snuck out, I would meet my friends who were like my bro’s to me and I felt like they were being really good friends. Every time they texted me to come pick them up, I did it for them and we did not smart things and made bad decisions, and I thought this was friendship. I was risking my life just for some teenagers who were just using me to get picked up. I never realized this, until the night of the car crash. My friends asked me to pick them up, on the coldest night of the year, and I got lost on the way, they didn’t do anything to help me or support me in the situation. Those people I called my “friends” never asked me how I was or if I was ok. They ghosted me after this incident, my so called friends.
Despite losing my friends, the worst part of this situation was the disappointment and pain I caused my family. My sister had to take money from her savings account to give to my parents, to help pay for the car damages. She said, “how can someone who doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re, have so much confidence to take the car out at night and not get caught?” She is right about that, but I am still a better driver than her.
My parents took my cellphone away, my learners away, and my rights away. I lost a lot of privileges for a few months but I gained something more. I became even closer with my parents, we had real deep conversations about what had happened and what it took for me to get in that place. My parents were hurt but they showed how they loved me unconditionally and they now trust me because I was completely honest with them. And to this day, they know that I would never lie or cheat my parents again. My sister thinks everything happens for a reason and God let me get caught at the perfect time. Even though she says hippie stuff like this all the time, this time I agree with her.
I had to be really vulnerable to write this piece. I had to expose myself of my mistakes, to speak my truth. But that is what I learned through all this too. You can never go wrong by speaking the truth and being your authentic self. It attracts the right people to you, when you are being the best highest version of yourself, you have the right people in your life. My homies now have showed me what true loyalty and respect looks like, and I believe I reflect it back to them as well. I also feel like my teachers this year also show that to me, something I didn’t feel confidently last year. Even my family, have showed me respect, loyalty, and love despite doing something that costed everyone a lot of money. At a lecture on International Affairs at Brown University, His Highness the Aga Khan says “Everybody makes mistakes. Never regret them, but correct them.” I am still correcting my mistakes and I will probably make new mistakes too, but I am learning and holding myself accountable for it all. I think there is strength and honesty in making mistakes.
